For many, the holidays are a joyous time. That time from now to the end of the year when the family gets together and has the reunion and the nostalgia of old times. But for many others, the holidays are not so much fun.
You love your family. But there is so much you want to say that you swallow and eat for the “sake” of the holiday and for the “sake” of the family. But why do we stop ourselves from saying what we really feel? For many, family is a mixed bag of love-hate relationships. You love them, but ehh- you almost could not like them at all if they weren’t related to you.
Maybe it is a girl thing, but girls are conditioned to play nice and not hurt anyone’s feelings. Boys can be bullies. But girls have to “play nice.” We can’t say what is really on our minds.
Hence, if you are asked the famous question, “Does this dress make me look fat?” you deflect to the other dress that is more fashion-friendly and covers up that wide load of your derriere. But what about the harder questions? You know, the ones that are taboo and no one in the family talks about.
A sweet young woman called me and confided that she and her sister had been molested by a family member many years ago. She was wondering what the statute of limitations was on something so long ago. I looked it up and broke the news that that statute had long passed. I also conveyed my sadness that so many other relatives and matriarchs in the family had failed these sweet, now accomplished women. Why didn’t the family matriarchs and patriarchs say something back then? That was what I was sad about for them.
Can you imagine going to Thanksgiving or Christmas and having to be one big happy family and passing the peas and corn to your childhood abuser? Yet, for many during the holidays, that is what we expect for everyone to just bury the hatchet and be happy.
Everyone does not want the best for you; yes, some of those people are your own relatives. So, I got to thinking that maybe we should just say what we want much sooner. Why do we have to wait until this stage in our lives to say what we really mean? Why must we “play nice” and deflect what we think?
Maybe sometimes we should say, “You really hurt me when you did that.” Or “How dare you say to sell our family home?” Or “Why did you cut all the timber at the family farm with nothing for our next generation?” What if the key to being free of the baggage of the family holidays is to say what you mean?
My Mama always says of her folks who criticize her love of her heritage, “Am I now your enemy for telling you the truth??” Galatians 4:16
Don’t ask Mama if that dress makes you look fat.
