The Thank You's I Regret Not Saying

Reflective Time of Life

Now that I am 79, I find myself looking back and reflecting on my life. I absolutely refused to do this earlier because I believed I should focus on what I could change-- the present and the future, not the past. At Thanksgiving, like all of us, I always think about the things I am grateful for peace, health, and even financial stability. Upon reflection, I wish I had focused more on thanking people and less on being thankful for things.

My Parents

I loved my parents and always told them so, but I did not thank them. I made the mistake of taking them for granted. I always knew they loved me and would sacrifice anything for my siblings and me. After I became a parent and then a grandparent, I realized much more fully the importance of making a child feel loved and secure. My parents did that and were the best, and I did not fully realize it until they were no longer here. Thank you, Mom and Dad.

My Teachers

I had excellent teachers at every level of my education, and I thanked only two of them.

I had my first male teacher in the sixth grade. He taught us the rules of every sport and had us apply the science we were learning. We made electric motors that actually worked! Each Sunday, when I watch my beloved Denver Broncos, I am grateful that I can understand a game I have never played on a fundamental level. Thank you, Mr. Dodson.

My seventh-grade teacher taught me grammar and how to diagram compound and complex sentences. It was boring. Only when I had to spend two summers teaching two of my teenage daughters those skills did I appreciate how courageous my teacher was to teach boringly unpopular subjects to a group of seventh graders. Thank you, Mrs. Orr.

When I was in the eighth grade, we moved to a different school. I had a fantastic history teacher who challenged the class. We debated whether slavery caused the Civil War and whether the thirteen colonies were justified in declaring their independence. It would have been easier for him to give us multiple-choice tests with specific answers. Instead, we learned to think and to challenge previous truisms. Thank you, Mr. Clifton.

I had a brilliant teacher in high school who taught Basic Science, Chemistry, and Advanced Chemistry. We performed experiments with Bunsen burners, test tubes, and even sulfuric acid several times in Chemistry and every class period in Advanced Chemistry. We did not simply watch our teacher do experiments; we did them ourselves. I learned Chemistry and found a job working in a laboratory to help pay for undergraduate school. As a bonus, I learned to cook. There is no better way to learn to follow a recipe than to perform experiments that could explode if you add the wrong chemical in the wrong amount or at the wrong time. Thank you, Mrs. Peters.

I had several excellent professors at the University of North Texas. Two had a significant impact on my life and career. My debate coach traveled with my debate colleague and me all over the United States, where we debated students from Northwestern, Harvard, the University of Southern California, and MIT. Those debates gave me the courage to go to Harvard Law School because I learned I could hold my own debating with students from these schools. I thanked Dr. DeMougeot, my debate coach, when I gave a speech after winning an alumni award at UNT.

The other professor was a constitutional law professor who was also a lawyer. He taught me how to analyze legal questions or, in other words, to think like a lawyer. When I got a C+ on my first sample test using a technique I thought would be best at Harvard, I was horrified. Then, the professor handed out a sample of the correct answer. I realized that all I had to do was to analyze and answer the way I had learned at the University of North Texas. I thank Dr. Morrisson every Christmas in my card to him.

I had two special professors in law school. My first-year contracts professor treated me the same as the men in my class and made contracts logical, interesting, and challenging. My third-year business planning professor taught me that my future career should be in business law. He gave us legal problems a business would encounter from creation to a merger. Each problem required an analysis of the facts as well as the law of corporations, securities regulation, and corporate tax. For the first time, I realized I did not want to be Perry Mason, but I did want to be a lawyer who solved problems for business clients. These problems required a three-page answer. Imagine the difficulty of grading three-page answers five times during the year, not to mention the final exam. Thank you, Professor Dawson and Professor Herwitz. 

My Mentors

In the summer of 1968, I worked as an intern in the Office of General Counsel at the Pentagon. I understood neither the military protocols nor the law at that time. Apparently, the restroom and lunchrooms were limited to certain ranks, and every tiny decision had to be approved by counsels for the Army, Air Force, and Navy, as well as the General Counsel of the Department of Defense. There were no women lawyers, and the men didn’t want to deal with me in the beginning. However, the secretary of the General Counsel did. She patiently explained to me the protocols, got the other lawyers to give me work, and kept me out of trouble for the summer. Thank you, Linda.

In the fall of 1968, when I was interviewing for a job, only three firms in New York, to my knowledge, had any women, and even those had only one or two women lawyers usually doing probate work. After several exhausting interviews that clearly were futile, I was interviewed by an associate and a partner in a large New York firm. Unlike during my previous interviews, we had a serious conversation, including the diverse pro bono work I had done for the Community Legal Aid Office, ranging from bankruptcy to divorce. I was invited to New York for further interviews and received a job offer as a business lawyer, even though the firm had only two women at the time. Thank you, White and Case.

In 1973, I decided to follow the paths of my grandmother, mother, and sister, all of whom were teachers, and apply for a position at the University of Denver College of Law. I was hired and was the only woman on the faculty, as well as the first woman hired on the tenure track since World War II. Furthermore, the law school at the time had different teaching methods from those I used. I received and deserved the Golden Shaft Award from the students that first year. Then, my colleagues, all of whom were male and tenured, helped me learn to handle the bureaucracy of a university as well as to become a much better teacher. Thank you, Neil Littlefield, John Reese, and Jim Winokur.

My Friends

When I was still practicing law and living in Denver, I met with a group of business lawyers once a week to write and update Colorado business laws. After a year or so, I realized that I was missing very important conversations because I didn’t go with them to a rundown bar after the meeting. When I started joining my colleagues at Shelby’s, we discussed thorny issues of business law, such as fiduciary duty, but also local and world politics, the theatre, the law, and even family. That is when we became friends. Over 10 years ago, I retired and left Denver. Since then, we still have zoom meetings once a week to discuss the law, such as the new Corporate Transparency Act, and other fascinating subjects. These lawyers are brilliant, well-read, and care about people and the world. I am so lucky to have them as friends. Thank you, Bob Keatinge, Herrick Lidstone, Wanda Abel, and Bill Callison, for becoming and remaining my good friends in law.....and in life.

This Year

This Thanksgiving, I am going to thank the people and family who mean the most to me.