The next few months will provide opportunities for families and friends to connect and spend quality time together. Many look forward to this time of year and enjoy family gatherings and celebrations. It can be a time filled with traditions and wonderful memories of holidays past and present. While most people meet at this time of year with joy and excitement, it is important to be mindful that others will experience feelings of loss, loneliness, and isolation. Being aware of the experience of those who are grieving, alone (not by choice) or isolated offers an opportunity to plan differently for the holidays this year.
Aging comes with grieving, small and large. Parts of our physical health diminish. We lose loved ones and dear friends. We might lose some forms of independence, such as driving. We can lose familiar routines and places if we need to move to assisted living or skilled nursing communities. The changes aging brings come with loss, small and large.
The holidays can amplify some of these feelings of loss. If we have lost loved ones, we may not have living family members or friends to celebrate with. With the loss of these people can also come the loss of shared holiday traditions. If we live in assisted living or skilled nursing communities and see others being visited by and celebrating with family and friends while not receiving any visitors ourselves, this can also cause pain and increased loneliness. We can feel excluded. At their worst, these feelings can lead to depression and a decline in physical health.
Some older adults may be experiencing feelings of isolation, depression, and pain due to elder abuse. Millions of older adults experience some form of abuse each year. The abuse can take many forms – physical, sexual, emotional, and financial. The holiday season can increase the risks of experiencing elder abuse. The holiday season is also an opportunity to screen for elder abuse.
The risk of elder abuse can increase during the holidays for a number of reasons. Two amplifying factors are increased stress and isolation. Stress. To-do lists are long during the holidays, and with those expectations can come stress. If caregivers and family members are extra stressed, this can lead to abusive behavior with less patience and time. Isolation. Older adults without support systems are more vulnerable to abusive actors preying on their loneliness. Think of romance scams as one example. Isolated individuals are especially vulnerable to financial exploitation.
Holiday celebrations are times when family dynamics are on full display – who is and isn’t invited, who sits by who, who gets along, and who doesn’t. Paying attention to family dynamics, especially as they relate to older adults in the family, is an important way to screen for elder abuse. Isolation and controlling behavior toward an older adult are two red flags of elder abuse. If a family member is isolating an older adult and using that isolation to abuse or exploit the older adult, the holidays offer an excuse to check in. Inviting that family member and older adult to the party or taking the party to them can be an opportunity to talk to the older adult and see if they are okay.
Being aware of the experience of those who are grieving, are alone (not by choice), or are isolated, offers an opportunity to plan differently for the holidays this year. We can offer the gift of our presence. Making plans to spend quality time with those who are grieving or alone and being attentive to their needs is an excellent way to help prevent elder abuse and to support people without community.
Here are some ways to plan differently this holiday season:
U.S. Census data suggests that at least 25% of older adults live alone. While living alone does not automatically mean someone feels alone, and while living with others does not automatically mean someone does not feel lonely, the number does suggest loneliness is a significant issue in our society. Research has shown that loneliness and isolation can affect physical health in a way similar to smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. Isolation and loneliness affect physical health more than obesity or having a sedentary lifestyle. The consequences are serious. Thankfully, we can help in ways that are very accessible to everyone. It is as simple as making a phone call, sending a card, or visiting with a neighbor.
