I had the pleasure of hearing Stephen Michael Graham speak last month at a fireside chat at Fenwick & West, celebrating Black History Month. He graciously agreed to an interview with Voice of Experience.
To prepare for the interview, I read Mr. Graham’s book Invisible Ink: Navigating Racism in Corporate America from cover to cover in a single sitting. An eternal optimist, I have been conditioned to expect a climactic scene of confrontation followed by a kumbaya and happily ever after. Instead, even as a passive bystander, I felt the crushing weight of the “unending stream of slights” Mr. Graham had to endure.
In this wide-ranging discussion, Mr. Graham reflects on growing up in an all-Black and then an all-white community, being the only Black lawyer in the room for most of his career, what kept him going, what keeps him active in retirement, and what gives him hope for the future.
Voice of Experience (VOE): Let’s start at the beginning. What was it like growing up in Ames, Iowa?
Stephen Graham (SG): Growing up in all-white Ames, Iowa, was interesting due to the contrast between it and where I started growing up, Prairie View, Texas. The only reason for Prairie View’s existence was as a place for a college established there for Black people after the Civil War.
My father was a civil engineer. He fought in World War II. After the war, he went back to college and got his Master’s degree. He was a pretty smart guy, some would say brilliant, did pretty well in school, and served his country, but no one in corporate America would give him a job. This was in the late 40s. He ended up taking a job in 1950 at what is now Prairie View A&M University. The town wasn’t incorporated until 1969.
So that's how I started, living in this little all-Black town. It was just us. There was no reason for white people to be there, and that was fine. I had no idea as a kid growing up what a luxury it was to be surrounded by people who looked like me. We all took it for granted that everyone was pretty much equal and operating on the same plane. In short, no one was judged by the color of their skin.
In the late 1950s, my father again tried to enter corporate America but was turned away. He decided to go for his PhD, so we moved to Ames, Iowa, so he could attend Iowa State University. I was in third grade. That is when my town went from all Black to all-white. It was an odd situation, not a scary situation. My world gently turned upside down. There were no Black people anywhere. Everyone seemed to think that was normal.
When we first moved to Ames, there were no more than four or five Black families. Over the years, the Black population slowly grew, but it never ceased to be an “all-white” town when I was growing up. I was called the N-word from time to time. Sometimes the use of the word was tinged with hate, but for the most part, it was simply part of the vocabulary. The racism, such as it was, didn't really bother me. I never felt like I was in a hostile environment because, while everyone who decided that they needed to treat me poorly was white, everyone who treated me well was white. I had no reason to judge anyone based on the color of their skin. People were just people. Some are good, and some are not so good. The experience served me well in life. I've always accepted people for who they are.
VOE: Were there any defining moments that shaped who you would become or what path you would take?
SG: No single moment. Broadly speaking, my parents gifted me with a value system that served as the foundation for my career. Living with a college professor, you come by a lot of things naturally. Without trying, you learn how to speak. You learn how to write. You learn to define goals and work hard.
VOE: How did you go into the law?
SG: It was important to me to have a position respected by the community that enabled me to take care of my family. It, of course, had to be something that tapped into my skill set. I liked to debate, to write, bring people together. I have always been drawn to helping others. All this naturally led to my becoming a lawyer.
When I got to college, my advisor took career planning to the next level. He put me on a trajectory for exceptional success. He said, “Do what I tell you to do, and I'll get you into Yale Law School.” I can say with some confidence that I wouldn't have gone to an Ivy League school and certainly wouldn't have gone to Yale without the guidance of that advisor. No one before or after encouraged me in that direction.
VOE: Let's talk about your retirement. Many of our readers are transitioning to retirement. What advice can you share as they prepare for that chapter?
SG: A few things come to mind:
First, stop worrying about the word “retire.” You are just moving in a different direction, doing other things you want to do. If you change direction when you are 40, it’s not called retirement. Why should it be any different if you change direction at 60 or 70? The term “retirement” has such sedentary connotations, so don’t use it.
Second, understand that there are more things that you will want to do than you will ever have time to do in your lifetime. You started working because you needed to eat. When you get to the point where you don't have to work to live, stop punching the clock.
Third, and this is tough after decades of building, I think too many people are of the view that they have to keep working because that's how they value themselves. No paycheck, no self-worth. That’s twisted.
Fourth, when you step away from the office, it will be important to maintain different circles of friends and colleagues, do what it takes to keep your mind stimulated, put yourself in situations where you're still offering advice and counsel, making things happen, and engage socially. This requires planning. If you don't plan to be involved in your community, then you're not going to be involved, and that may lead to depression, anxiety, and all the rest.
VOE: Are there hobbies you’ve been pursuing?
SG: I play a lot of golf. I've got several sets of golfing buddies. It's just another opportunity to exercise and interact with people. I also collect stamps and study Italian. I like to write, and I have rewritten Invisible Ink.
VOE: I love it. I was going to ask you about that. If you’re allowed to disclose, what kind of changes are you envisioning?
SG: Looking back at the book, there's so much I left to the reader to figure out and I thought it might be useful if I was more direct in terms of making recommendations on how to deal with different situations. To make it clearer, I’ve broken it down, starting with what I was trying to accomplish with the book and the way racism continues to manifest itself in our society, then giving examples of aggressions, micro and more significant, that I have dealt with, and sharing ideas that individuals directly affected might follow to deal with racism in their midst and advice for white executives who want to help address the issues.
VOE: I think this will be very welcome. Can you share your writing process with us?
SG: My process is to write stories, think about what it is I’m trying to say, rough out the outlines, and then polish and polish. It's also important to have a purpose when you write. I wrote Invisible Ink primarily because I was tired of people not understanding or appreciating the reality of racism in corporate America. I remember many years ago, the wife of one of my colleagues told my wife (who is white), “Sure, racism is out there, but Steve doesn’t have to deal with that.” Where have you been? Open your eyes! People ask, “Is this a manifesto?” No, I'm not mad at anybody. It’s just that I'm tired of people pretending that these issues don't exist. I was able to be successful, but others are coming along behind me who haven’t had the breaks I’ve had, and they will fail to achieve their objectives solely due to racism. If I can move people in a positive way one inch, that could make a difference in someone's life.