I have a fair number of friends who are coaches. Each has a favorite coaching tool. One of my coaching friends, Anne, advocates for a tool called the Actualized Leadership Profile. When Anne first started to share the details of this tool with me, I admit that I rolled my eyes when she started talking about the “shadow side.” After listening to Anne and doing some reading, some parts of the actualized leadership tool have helped me bring together leadership and mindfulness.
The Actualized Leadership profile focuses on the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs and identifies three leadership styles. For me, the noteworthy aspect of the profile is not so much the leadership style as the analysis of the attributes that someone will reflect as an “actualized leader” compared to those that will be reflected when someone is at his worst. By way of example, I am an Asserter/Affirmer. I am confident, decisive, proactive, creative, and accountable at my best. At my worst, I am impatient, arrogant, reactive, and controlling. I learned that I was likely to be at my worst (my shadow side) when I was under significant stress. Under significant stress, being at the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy is challenging.
Stress is common in the practice of law (as well as in life itself). I was relieved to realize that perhaps I did not suffer from inherent character defects so much as too much stress and the need for improved stress management. On the other hand, I knew that functioning around others in my “shadow side” was likely to result in a less positive culture than I wanted to achieve. (The current goal at our law firm is to achieve an “actualized culture.”)
I concluded that it is imperative that my shadow side attributes not show up at the office. I called Anne and chatted about preventing my shadow side from showing up at the office. My idea was that I would work remotely on those days when I was under so much stress that I might appear impatient or reactive. I was expecting Anne to cheer my idea, but instead, she said: “No, Mary, it doesn’t work that way. As a lawyer leader, you must learn to show up with executive presence daily regardless of how you feel on a particular day.”
Executive presence refers to the ability to inspire others and support them. Someone with executive presence will engage in speech and actions that positively influence those around the person. The ability to work calmly under stress is exhibited, and the ability to do so keeps others calm and focused.
I acknowledged my desire to present myself with executive presence as much as possible. I reached into my toolbox to find a path to maintaining a positive presence, even when I knew that doing so would be a challenge. I pulled out the tool I use for so many things —mindfulness. I considered how to use mindfulness so that I could show up with positive and effective leadership more regularly.
Mindfulness is the ability to be fully present in the moment. We use our breath to help us become fully present. We notice precisely what we are doing and where we are and seek to be non-judgmental about what we might be experiencing.
One of the challenges of mindfulness is learning to practice mindfulness during a busy, stressful day, but this is when mindfulness matters most. I rarely have time to stop, close my eyes, and meditate during the workday. Instead, I have to find mindfulness practices that fit in between phone calls, emails, meetings, and knocks on my door.
The most important practice I have adopted is just stopping for six to ten seconds to take a deep breath – and to notice my breath. I set my Apple Watch to remind me to take a breath break every 90 minutes. When I notice my breath, I notice my state of mind. I seek not to judge my feelings but to simply notice and ensure that my behavior remains positive even if I feel slightly overwhelmed.
In my practice, I touch as many as 20 files daily, which can readily result in significant stress. I focus on doing a single task at a time to manage that stress. If I am drafting a document that needs my full attention, I close my email inbox and use do not disturb on other devices to focus on the single task at hand.
I use mindful reminders. I have coffee cups with reminders to be mindful. I have coasters with mindful comments. I use calming sounds on my notifications. When I hear the ping from a message, I try to use that as a reminder to take a deep breath and stay present.
Notice the critical voice in your head that encourages you to feel stressed and redirect it. When someone (the voice in your head or another person) suggests that what you are doing is “stressful,” correct the comment and say, “Oh, actually, this is challenging and exciting.”
Practice gratitude. On a hectic day, I try to express gratitude for the great work and opportunities that have come my way. Whenever possible, take a deep breath and find something to appreciate.
