Typically, I write about recent legal decisions of import to practitioners, but several recent incidents with lawyers left me perplexed, as in “What were they thinking?” So I share three “teachable moments” of what not to do in federal court: (1) Do not ask for a continuance in your opposing brief; (2) do not request substantive or procedural relief via telephone call to chambers; and (3) do not rely on state rules and case law when requesting relief governed by the federal rules. I offer these stories as a reminder to those who practice often in federal court and as an alert to those who may find themselves there less often.