Remember when you were a little girl, and someone would tell you that you were talented? Or maybe you don’t remember a time when someone ever noted and called out your talents. Surely, somewhere along the way, you have recognized that you have mad talent.
In this article, I will discuss what it really means to see yourself as a talented woman lawyer. Specifically, I’ll discuss the top three strengths you possess and the roadblocks that stop you from successfully using them.
What does it mean to be talented as a woman lawyer? The entire time I was in practice as a securities lawyer, I don’t recall really feeding into my strengths and talents enough to “own” them and capitalize on them in a way that made me self-confident or brought me success as an employee. I only wish someone would have highlighted what strength they saw in me at a time when I didn’t have the capacity to do so for myself because of my blocks to success and fulfillment. These days, we call support driving ownership and accountability, coaching.
Here are the top three strengths you possess as a woman lawyer.
Do you ever have those moments when you are so certain of something that you feel it deep in your soul? You know the moments I’m talking about. Sometimes, you feel it around a personal matter. Other times, it’s related to a work matter. You know what you know to be true. That’s your intuition. It allows you to be wise, not just smart. We’re all smart lawyers. Yet, clients pay good money for lawyers who are wise. This intuition-less wisdom allows you to tap into a wellspring of guidance that you can impart to your clients, colleagues, and staff. I call it a woman’s intuition. I have NEVER had my intuition guide me in the wrong direction. The only failure was when I ignored my intuition, and instead of using wisdom to guide my practice, I used my intellect alone.
As women, we are naturally compassionate and expressive of our emotions, allowing us to be empathetic to clients’ needs, desires, and wants. Somewhere along the way, we stifle this strength (see roadblocks below). This strength leads us to have the huge capacity to forgive and move forward, letting go of past behaviors to focus on how we can grow as humans, women, and lawyers. I have given the Emotional Intelligence (EQ) assessment to countless women and men executives and lawyers. The one thing I see consistently is that women professionals who take the assessment know they are empathetic and have the capacity to show up with grace and move on. Yet, they always tell me in confidence that they feel this strength is frowned upon in business and I'm not welcome. Objectively speaking, who wouldn’t want to hire a lawyer who was smart AND had high emotional intelligence? This superpower allows you to make smart decisions, manage stress, and be influential and powerful. Power is found in graciousness and humility and nowhere else.
As humans, we all have both masculine and feminine energy regardless of the gender we claim. The key is to use both masculine and feminine energy in harmony in order to be and display a balanced and effective brand.
Not too long ago, I realized that I was exhausted after my coaching sessions with clients. I was optimal during the sessions with the client. Afterward, I was zapped and wanted to lie down. I realized I was coming to the sessions with much more masculine energy. Only when I switched to intentionally bringing more feminine energy to each session was I able to leave the sessions energized.
Masculine energy is competitive and single focused. It goes back to the days when a group of men were hunting a single deer to feed their respective families.
Feminine energy is powerful and expansive. When you are sitting in your feminine energy, you have diffused focus and awareness. You are creative and able to see alternative strategies and options for your clients and everywhere else in your life.
Feminine energy is generative. As women we bring life into this world. Thus, harnessing your feminine energy doesn’t drain you. Not only does it not drain you, tapping into your feminine energy allows you to be energized and bring your best to your job as a lawyer and otherwise.
As with anything, there are roadblocks. Time and again I find the biggest block women lawyers have to their success is fear that is brought on by baggage.
It’s very challenging to be able to see our own blocks and maneuver around them successfully. This is true even if you are willing and able to own your blocks.
As a coach, a huge part of my job with my executive level clients is to drive ownership and accountability by showing clients their blocks. The reason people go farther, faster with coaches is that a good coach will point out your blocks to success in support of you choosing a better option.
It’s easy to see others’ baggage at work. It’s not so easy to see your own baggage. Baggage is simply your past experiences in childhood, replaying themselves as an adult. I have yet to meet a person who had a perfect childhood, leaving them baggage-free. It just doesn’t happen. Even if you had a perfect childhood, I guarantee that your perception and interpretation of some aspect of your childhood would leave you with baggage.
Baggage limits our growth and success as women lawyers by blocking our top three strengths. It’s very difficult to own your wisdom, compassion and feminine energy if your baggage keeps telling you some version of “you are not good enough.”
Another roadblock is fear. In life there is a spectrum. On one end of the spectrum is fear. Fear shows up as anger, resentment, jealousy and paralysis/being stuck.
On the other end of the spectrum is love. I’m not talking about romantic, mushy love. I’m talking about love that manifests as compassion, wisdom, an ability to see the bigger picture, and action. Love manifests as leadership and true power.
Over thousands of years of patriarchal conditioning, as women lawyers, we fear our power. We refuse to believe that we are strong, resourceful, capable, and whole as humans and as lawyers. What would be the result of you knowing and owning your power? How would you have to show up daily in your life that you may not be today? How would you hold yourself and others accountable with compassion, wisdom, and positive energy? Why is it easier to avoid your power?
The final roadblock is another fear. This fear is about what others would do to us if we were strong, powerful, wise, successful women, lawyers, and humans. Perhaps others would be jealous of you? Perhaps some who call themselves your friends would turn away, leaving you lonely and isolated? Perhaps some would sabotage your work? Stop and consider if these things are happening anyway right now as you sit in fear, rejecting your strengths. If so, what do you have to lose by stepping away from this fear?
As the world proves to be more and more unsettling these days, women lawyers hold the key to providing wisdom, intellect, calm, power, and collaboration. In no time has it been more important than now for women lawyers to not be shy and step up to own our talents and strengths AND support other women lawyers for the good of clients, our families, children, and future generations of lawyers and human existence. This shouldn’t seem overwhelming. Instead, look at it as your right, privilege, and purpose.
