Redefining Lawyer Success Across Generations

“Why don’t young lawyers have the same work ethic we did?” asked John, managing partner of a thriving law practice. He recalled the years of relentless hours, long nights, and unbearable pressure, having to figure things out on his own without support — and with only a rare word of thanks from partners or clients. “We didn’t have ‘work-life’ balance,” he continued. “We were told to be grateful we had a job. Work hard, keep your head down, get your billables in, and don’t take all your vacation, or they will think you’re slacking.” He seemed to be wistfully recounting the “good old days,” wishing he had the kind of associates he used to be. I even sensed a thread of resentment that the younger generations are asking for something he wouldn’t even have considered asking for.

Then came my opportunity to gently ask one of my favorite “coach” questions: “And ... how did that work out for us?” There was silence and then a slight nod. We knew the answer. Like many lawyers, we lived hard lives of sacrifice. And it took its toll on many in the form of broken relationships, poor health, missed moments, and opportunities lost. If there had been a better way, we probably would have taken it. But the opportunity wasn’t there.

Meanwhile, the younger generations somehow see the damage of these traditions in our profession. They are not content to wait until some distant future to achieve a work-life balance. They seek meaning, value, growth, and fulfillment from their careers during their careers. They don’t see the value in hard work for hard work’s sake or far-off future rewards. Instead, they are driven by purpose, a desire to achieve professional success and personal well-being. They are frustrated that the older generations won’t adapt and give them the flexibility, autonomy, and rewards they need.

Some see a chasm that keeps us apart. I see an opportunity. And an obligation to create a new way of defining success for everyone who depends on the services that lawyers provide and the future of our profession.

Imagine what we could accomplish if we pooled our talents and resources to create a new model — a model where dedication doesn’t come at the expense of well-being, where the generations collaborate in a healthy environment that promotes a culture of growth, innovation, service, and balance.

What kind of difference would that make? And where would we start?

First, let’s allow ourselves to believe that my vision — what some might call a hallucination — is possible. We can get there if, in the words of Tony Robbins, it is a “must” and not a “should.” When we decide that change is a “must” and have a clear vision of a compelling future, we free up the resources necessary for change. The steps we need to take are not complicated but require effort, patience, and persistence. And the first one can be taken by each of us — today.

Communication: Take the Time to Think and Act

Our starting point is this memorable line from the 1967 classic movie “Cool Hand Luke”: “What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.” The struggles of partners and associates alike are, at their core, a failure of communication. The first step is to slow down.

Communication fails when messages get muddled in transmission. This happens in multiple ways. There’s noise at each end — biases, norms, attitudes, and beliefs. Static fills the middle, making it hard to pinpoint where things go wrong. The faster we go, the more tensions rise. Interference worsens, communication degrades, frustrations boil over, and the spiral accelerates. It’s the classic vicious cycle.

We can break the cycle by slowing down. Slowing down breaks the hold of chronic stress and overwhelm, giving us time to think and act intentionally and resourcefully. When doing that, we can apply the same analytical and problem-solving skills to represent clients and improve our situations.

I know it’s hard to think about slowing down when overwhelmed with everything on your to-do list. But, as Stephen Covey wisely noted, “With people, fast is slow and slow is fast.” Taking the time to slow down and focus on effective communication, understanding, and planning can accelerate your progress in the long run. It’s about being strategic — investing time up front to build stronger relationships, clarify expectations, and reduce misunderstandings. By slowing down, you can create a more efficient, productive, and harmonious work environment that ultimately speeds up your overall success.

Action Step: Don’t wait for the perfect moment to address this. The only way to create space is to schedule it like a meeting with your most important client. Make an appointment with yourself and commit to it.

One of John’s struggles was that he was so focused on telling others what to do that he wasn’t listening to what they were saying — or what they weren’t saying. He missed the messages between the lines. His problem wasn’t just about clarity and understanding the people and the situation. He acted on his preconceived notions and the stories in his head about people’s motivations and values without even realizing it.

When you break this cycle and seek to understand where the “other” side is coming from, you gain the information you need to reduce the static. Get curious about the interests and beliefs that lie behind their stated position. Taking the time to investigate and explore with an open mind isn’t a weakness; being open doesn’t undermine your position. Great lawyers do this in the context of a case, but we often fail to apply these same skills to the team that makes this work possible.

Emotional Intelligence: The Key to Breaking Down Barriers

Many lawyers are uncomfortable talking about emotions, especially at work. We like to believe in logic and arguments. Emotions are soft, complicated, and unpredictable, yet they are the main driver of human actions and decisions. So, like it or not, we must get comfortable with emotions. More specifically, we need to build our emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while also recognizing, understanding, and influencing the emotions of others. This skill is crucial in addressing the frustration and disconnect between generations in the legal profession.

By developing emotional intelligence, managing partners like John can better understand the motivations and values of younger lawyers. It allows them to see beyond their experiences and appreciate the need for balance and fulfillment that newer generations seek. Emotional intelligence fosters empathy and open communication, helping to break down the barriers that have long divided us.

For younger attorneys, developing emotional intelligence is equally important. It starts with self-awareness — taking the time to understand your emotions, triggers, and responses. Engage in regular self-reflection and seek feedback from peers and mentors to gain insights into your behavior. Practice empathy by actively listening to your colleagues and trying to understand their perspectives and challenges. Work on your self-regulation skills to manage stress and remain composed under pressure.

The good news is that emotional intelligence can be learned and developed through intentional practice and training. Unlike IQ, which is relatively fixed, emotional intelligence grows with effort and mindfulness. By engaging in activities promoting self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy, older and younger attorneys can enhance their emotional intelligence and improve their interactions, fostering a more collaborative and understanding work environment.

Active listening, a key component of emotional intelligence, involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what is said in a conversation. Active listening helps build trust and rapport, ensuring that each party feels valued and understood. Remember, understanding someone doesn’t mean you agree with them.

Common mistakes when people are busy and under stress include thinking about a response while the other person is speaking, interrupting, judging, offering unsolicited advice, prematurely jumping to conclusions, or multitasking during the conversation. These behaviors make the speaker feel undervalued and ignored. By setting aside distractions, suspending judgment, and fully engaging with the speaker, older and younger attorneys can ensure that their messages are heard and understood, paving the way for mutual respect and effective collaboration.

Conversation Starters

Engaging in conversations across generations can bridge gaps, foster mutual respect, and create a more cohesive and innovative team. Sometimes, the hardest part of communicating effectively is getting started and knowing what to say. Here are some conversation starters you might try to break the ice.

For Senior Lawyers to Ask Younger Colleagues:

Understanding Values and Motivations:

• “What parts of your work do you find most fulfilling?”
• “What do you value most about your professional life?”
• “How do you personally define success in your career?”

Clarifying Expectations and Goals:

• “What are your career goals for the near future and further down the road?”
• “How can the firm help you achieve these goals?”
• “What kind of feedback and performance reviews work best for you?”

Identifying Communication Preferences:

• “What’s your preferred way to receive feedback and communicate?”
• “Are there specific times or methods you find most effective for discussing important matters?”
• “How can I ensure that our communication is clear and effective for you?”

Exploring Work-Life Balance:

• “How do you manage your professional responsibilities with your personal life?”
• “What can the firm do to help you maintain a better work-life balance?”
• “Are there any policies or practices you think would improve our work environment?”

Building Trust and Collaboration:

• “How can we create a more trusting and collaborative team environment?”
• “Can you share any experiences contributing to strong team dynamics?”
• “What are your strengths, and how can we better recognize and utilize them within the team?”

For Younger Attorneys to Ask Senior Colleagues:

Understanding Values and Motivations:

• “What motivated you to pursue a career in law?”
• “What aspects of your career have you found most fulfilling?”
• “How have you defined success throughout your career?”

Clarifying Expectations and Goals:

• “What goals have you set for yourself over the years, and how did you achieve them?”
• “What are your expectations for our team’s performance and growth?”
• “How do you prefer to give and receive feedback?”

Identifying Communication Preferences:

• “What communication methods have you found most effective in your career?”
• “Are there particular times or ways you prefer to discuss important matters?”
• “How can I ensure that our communication is productive and clear?”

Exploring Work-Life Balance:

• “How have you balanced your professional responsibilities with your personal life?”
• “What advice do you have for maintaining a healthy work-life balance?”
• “What practices have you found effective in creating a positive work environment?”

Building Trust and Collaboration:

• “What experiences have helped you build trust within a team?”
• “How can we foster a more collaborative and supportive team environment?”
• “What strengths do you see in our team, and how can we better utilize them?”

Fostering Intergenerational Collaboration

Bridging the generational divide and redefining success within our law firms gives us the power to create an environment where every generation feels valued and understood. This journey begins with a commitment to slow down, communicate effectively, and foster emotional intelligence. Doing so allows us to break free from the old patterns that have caused too much pain for too long.

Embracing emotional intelligence and active listening allows us to genuinely understand each other’s perspectives and motivations. This mutual understanding paves the way for a collaborative and innovative culture where both seasoned and younger attorneys can thrive.

Our collective behaviors and beliefs shape the environment in our firms. Everyone is responsible for contributing to a healthy culture that provides excellent service to our clients and allows each of us to lead fulfilling lives. By taking these steps, we can redefine what it means to be successful in the legal profession, ensuring that dedication does not come at the expense of well-being.

Let’s commit to this change today. Let’s make it a “must,” not a “should.” Together, we can build a future where the legal profession is a place of growth, innovation, and balance for all generations.