After the Storm: Expressing Gratitude Even in Dark Times

In my most recent Managing column, I discussed my personal experience as a member of a law firm in Asheville, North Carolina, and how Hurricane Helene tested each member’s individual resilience, and that of our clients and others in the community we serve. The importance of resilience in times of difficulty was not, however, the only lesson learned though the disaster. Through both the experience of living through a disaster last fall, as well as the process of a change in our national government this winter, I have observed the many positive effects of expressing gratitude to, and for, others during difficult times.

Gratitude Begets Gratitude

I am generally not a person who expresses gratitude well. Every day, I sit in front of my computer, either at home or in my office downtown, focus on client work and get things done. Like everyone else in the world, I certainly appreciate expressions of gratitude by others, for the things I have done for them, and at times feel slighted when others fail to do so, even though I find it so difficult to do likewise. Though difficult at times, I have learned that the benefit of true gratitude is only realized when the feeling I have inside is expressed outwardly to those whom I feel grateful.

Immediately after the storm, due to my own personal circumstances, I was able to evacuate to a location where I had all the conveniences of modern life. Due to the difference in our immediate circumstances, my ability to serve others drew from them expressions of gratitude. At the same time, even though most of my law firm colleagues were without these conveniences, our management committee was constantly keeping us advised of, and expressing gratitude for, the many acts of kindness they had witnessed not only to our firm, our clients and the community, but specifically by our lawyers to others, even though they were experiencing their own difficulties. What I witnessed in myself, and others in my firm, is that these leadership expressions of gratitude were infectious. Expressions of gratitude not only bless others but cultivate others to show their own expressions of gratitude.

It does not really take a natural disaster to have a cultural of gratitude. Your circumstances may not be so dire, but the principle still applies. Here are a few considerations to think about when it comes to fostering a culture of gratitude:

1. Even though it is possible that a culture of gratitude can be created organically, a law firm is more likely to achieve that culture by being intentional. It does not usually happen solely top down. For all the reasons I have described in many columns over many years, law firms desiring to create a specific culture must plan for it, including giving members the type of leadership training designed to achieve it. To create a culture where gratitude sticks, training should not only include the importance of top-down expressions, but the necessity, and encouragement, of peer-to-peer expressions.
2. Leaders of all partner, lawyer, staff and full-firm meetings should be encouraged to begin and conclude all meetings with expressions of either team, or individual gratitude. After a time of regularly doing so, this could lead to public peer-to-peer expressions. 

Genuine Gratitude Is Expressed Without Expectation

It’s safe to say that we have all received, or observed, expressions of thanks that did not feel heartfelt. In many cases, these expressions may have felt obligatory. In some cases, expressions are made insincerely, and in others with an expectation of getting something in return. As mentioned, repeatedly in the seven weeks that our community was without potable water after the storm, firm leadership continued to highlight the positive ways that our members, and our clients, were serving those in our community, while also dealing with their own personal difficulties due to the aftereffects of the hurricane. Neither, the charitable action taken deserving thanks, or the expressions of gratitude, came with any expectation of reciprocation. In most instances, folks can tell when gratitude expressed is rote, or insincere. At the same time, given differences in personalities, some sincere expressions may be incorrectly interpreted as otherwise.

Here are ideas to ponder as you seek to have your sincere expressions of gratitude correctly received:

1. Regardless of intent, gratitude will not be received as sincere if trust is not a foundational principle in your culture and organizational strategy. Assuming it is, public expressions of gratitude by firm leaders are more likely to be taken as sincere if they are stated as appreciation for actions that achieve specific firm goals and objectives.
2. In individual expressions of gratitude, make it a habit to not simply say “thanks” or “good job” but be specific, mentioning how the person deserving appreciation contributed to accomplishment of some specific objective.

Gratitude Calms Fear and Soothes Emotions

Since the storm, our nation has had to deal with many difficult times and transitions. Just prior to the writing of this column, the California fires took place. After that, a change in government occurred, bringing the effects of new policies on those living in our country, and many organizations, including our own American Bar Association. As a result of the ABA not only being the voice of the legal profession, but in many ways leading the charge in bringing the rule of law to the world, changes to national policy had significant effect, as many of these efforts are funded through public grants. For myself, sitting on the Board of Governors of the Association, I have seen firsthand how the words and actions of a leader can calm fears. Just after the inauguration in January, many of the actions and public statements of national leaders were concerning to our Association's executive and volunteer leadership. It was quite unclear how the Association should react, and whether policies and procedures needed to be changed, if certain programming could be sustained and how this might affect our excellent, employed staff. The president of the ABA, William R. Bay, speaking for all the executive leadership, recognized that many in the Association had not only emotions of fear and anxiety due to uncertainty, but in some cases, anger, disgust, sadness, confusion and disappointment over what the country was having to endure through the transition of national political leadership. ABA President Bay, in his comments to our Board, encouraged those of us present to remain calm as we “work the problem” (harkening back to the statement of NASA chief flight director Gene Kranz, played by Ed Harris, in the 1995 movie Apollo 13). Of course, Bay expressed the need for resolve when it comes to our principals and organizational goals, but most significantly in my view, he stressed how grateful he was for all the work and words of both paid staff and voluntary leadership; for work toward finding solutions and appropriate responses, for both spoken and written words of encouragement and for offers of help through the difficult days ahead. To say the least, I was quite impressed on how this expression seemed to bring the whole room (which is a pretty large group) together as a team to “work the problem.” The result I observed was that the expression of gratitude to an organized group (such as a group of law firm partners) is not only a temporary calming of fear, but it is way beyond that. The positive effect is that group cohesion is fostered, and barring other underlying issues among members, a culture of team resilience is more likely.

Here are a few things about this positive effect of gratitude that you might consider as you lead yourself and others in your firm:

1. The more your members express gratitude for their common connectedness as a team during times of relative ease, the greater the organization will experience a sense of calm through the storms that inevitably come its way in the future.
2. Even in the most difficult times, leaders should strive to publicly express, to those looking to them for comfort and guidance, those things they do have control over and are grateful for.