When it comes to lawyers and business development, just mentioning the words “networking” and “small talk” conjures up images of uncomfortable events, awkward introductions, daunting conference ballrooms and cliques of professionals all seeming to be comfortable in casual conversation—except for you.
In its article “The Secret Science Behind Small Talk,” the California School Business News points out that small talk makes up a third of our conversations and serves as a critical foundation in establishing rapport and understanding of those with whom we are working. The lighter banter helps move a conversation along more naturally and acts as a natural connector to those whom we don’t know all that well.
Small talk can be about more than just the weather. Early-stage banter is a chance to get to know someone on different levels, so it can, and should, span a variety of meaningful topics. These conversation openers often touch on lighter subjects (ranging from hot topics that were just shared in a conference session to where everyone is going for dinner or the latest game scores) which, when paid attention to, often provide great insight into what other people care about or have going on in their lives.
Small talk is the key to building a strong foundation in trusted client conversations. It allows you to understand the approach of your clients and colleagues. You can pace each discussion and relationship in a way that avoids too much too soon. Wanting to be efficient with both our own time and the client’s attention, the instinct is to push past the small talk and move as quickly as possible to share your value, experience and expertise. Hurrying past this important stage in a conversation misses the opportunity to introduce yourself, learn about others, create opportunities for subsequent (bigger) conversations and build trust.
Usually, a conversation starts with an introduction (or simple “hello”), and then progresses into small talk. At this stage, you should be focused on building rapport, learning about the demeanor and interests of someone else and gaining an encyclopedia of topics that they are interested in discussing. These are everything from the lighthearted (television shows), personal (family and pets) to significant (the worries they casually mention while filling up their coffee).
Paying attention during small talk is the key to navigating the next stage in the conversation, identifying opportunities to follow up and follow through with ideas and answers; deepening the relationship by caring to stay present when the conversation is not focused on a billable hour question. If you approach small talk as an awkward job to be tackled, you are simply wasting these trust-building conversations on the hopes of walking away with an engagement letter. This awkward entrance often fails to make the most positive first impression. Small talk needs to be considered a significant part of the client conversation journey, because it is.
While small talk often happens in networking events, it also shows up as an opportunity to get to know clients at the beginning of a meeting, prior to a negotiation or when sitting down for a casual lunch. In essence, small talk is a part of almost every interaction. The key is to know how to engage, feel comfortable with the opportunity to build rapport and use these small moments to create a basis for more meaningful business-generating opportunities.
Being present and engaged in small talk with clients is a demonstration of your interest, not only in the work you’ve been hired to tackle, but in the attorneys and clients involved as human beings. Small talk is a means of understanding them and their needs using a more casual style banter (you aren’t going to sit down and interview them about all their likes and dislikes). Small talk doesn’t get left behind as the conversation pivots to substantive issues; rather, it is woven into the fabric of the conversation as you progress to business matters and potentially even deeper topics.
With that, let’s explore four ways that small talk can be big talk that advances your client relationship and business development goals from that initial “hello.”
Small talk is often the first interaction you’ll have with a new connection. This is where the energy and excitement you bring into the conversation either opens a door or slams it shut. The one and only goal? Find a good opener that leads to an expanded conversation and sets up the next interaction.
Walking up to a crowd and getting interested in who is already in conversation allows you to join a conversation already in motion. While it might seem intrusive to jump in, reading the room and knowing when the event (or meeting) is set up to be an inclusive opportunity to meet people, consider it an invitation to step up and into conversations already in process. Pausing to catch the chatter already in process, you will have the opportunity to introduce yourself (starting with your name) and a casual hello. The key is to not overthink your introduction or worry about sharing all that you do in this causal moment, but to simply allow the first “hello” to be an opener to learn about others and eventually share what you do.
While I’m not a fan of memorized elevator speeches that often lack energy and cut off the conversation before it begins, I do believe in a powerful hello. Knowing what you want to include in a good introduction gives you the confidence to include it easily into everyday conversations. The introduction allows you a way to share who you are and a bit about what you do, but also allows you the foundation to meet others and show that you care about them. Rather than having me provide you with a formulaic plan for an introduction, let’s brainstorm what you want to include in that initial step into a casual, small-talk conversation.
To practice: Contemplate what you want to include in your most simple introduction, knowing you can always expand it if the conversation and opportunity allows.
Putting this preparation into action, you will notice which introductions are most appropriate, given the audience. Walking into a client meeting and getting introduced to a new team member is different than walking into an industry conference, and much different than walking into the parent gathering at your children’s school.
To practice: You’ve now got the skeleton of your introduction. Try it out and see how it fits. Practice it and refine it over time; it will become more natural as you adapt it to particular audiences. Be sure to evolve and update it as your practice matures and your circumstances change.
When we pause and think about the information gathered and shared in small talk, it often includes the seemingly monotonous things that fill a person’s day. Whether it be kids or pets, knowing about someone’s priorities and plans is helpful when growing a bigger relationship. For instance, if you know that someone is juggling the priorities of being a new parent, then offering to jump in and take a call without them if it conflicts with the daycare pickup time is considered helpful and courteous (something new clients are looking for, and current clients appreciate in their advisory team). Better yet, being cognizant of this priority and not offering that time as a call option builds even deeper trust. If a client is excited about a vacation and shares the upcoming details, knowing not to fill their inbox while they’re away is very much noticed and appreciated.
To practice: Set a timer for two minutes and make a list of all the things you wish those whom you work with knew about you and your daily priorities. It might be your gym schedule, childcare issues or a home renovation project. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it’s something that is important to you.
Next, set a timer for two minutes and make a list of what you know about your best clients’ daily priorities. Notice what you already do know and, more importantly, what you need to learn more about.
Finally, reach out to three clients and engage in a casual conversation to catch up on what’s going on in their world. Notice what you might learn in a simple catch-up call. If it feels daunting to jump into a casual conversation with clients, focus on practicing your small talk and this strategy with colleagues that you work with on a regular basis. Often, those colleagues can be considered internal clients, who want you to know them and their priorities to make working together a smooth process and create a sense of support.
Now that you have a sense of what people are focused on both at work and at home, you can tailor your work approach, engage in easier small talk going forward and spot opportunities to help others and make appropriate introductions.
Small talk is often a conversation connector. Acting as a catalyst to ask better questions, it is the glue that bridges a conversation from the introduction to learning about their business and the issues your client or colleague is grappling with. For example, instead of asking “Did you enjoy today’s session?” or “Are you glad we wrapped up the meeting?” you could ask “I’m curious which issues on today’s panel you think we need to be discussing further?” or “Now that we have wrapped up phase one of the project, what will the implementation look like for you and your team?”
Often the best business-building conversations lie in taking the small-talk moment to ask a deeper question with a lighthearted approach, rather than thinking everyone needs to grab their legal pads and start a new checklist. Showing your interest in expanding the conversation is a trust builder. More simply put, your focus on these small conversations demonstrates care for and knowledge of them as a person, not just as a source of billable hours.
Asking one simple, interesting question that is related to your expertise and allows you to focus the conversation on clients creates opportunity within the shorter conversations. Paying attention to their answers, their word choice, and how they react to the question shows you how to move the relationship and the next conversation forward. For instance, when a client shares what they are working on, asking a simple follow-up question lets them expand the conversation and highlight on the issues where they are stuck. In addition, it provides an opportunity to offer your opinion or connect them to relevant resources.
To practice: Identify your first question that pivots the conversation from small talk to learning more. This question needs to move the small talk from “What are you working on these days?” to “When you are contemplating [insert issue], what are you most focused on right now?
First, do some research. Pull out the latest industry magazine, conference agenda or your firm’s latest client alerts. Make a list of the hot topics your clients and colleagues might be interested in. Finally, home in on one issue that you would like to know more about. As a hint, it is often helpful to think about issues that your clients are facing before they call you. These are the nagging issues that fill their plate but of which they are not aware you could help them
For example, if you know that your clients are doing an internal analysis of a contract before escalating to their legal team (either you or their internal team), maybe it is time to offer up ways to streamline this approach and the checklist involved. This brings you into the discussion and allows you to strategically be involved in framing the process and implementing it from the beginning. Being a strategic thinking partner for these conversations puts you into the center of the discussion for the projects, cases and transactions that develop next.
Next, identify three to five clients or colleagues that you want to test out this question with in a simple conversation. Here are a few ways to bring it up while keeping the banter casual:
Each of these small talk conversations offers a first step into more meaningful dialogue without losing the rhythm or relatability established from the beginning.
Now that you have learned about the daily issues of others, found a way to resonate with what they care about and expand the conversation, you have set the stage to follow up and move the conversation forward even further.
In a networking situation, this often happens within a few days. Small talk has given you insight into what is happening in their world and forms the basis for a meaningful second conversation. These moments allow you to follow up and continue a conversation with both new connections, and current clients.
During conference season, having a follow-up plan is especially helpful and serves as a reminder to clients that you are available to support them, and you are paying attention to what they have going on at work and in life. This small act is a trust builder and allows you to continue the rapport-building discussions as if the conversation never ended.
To practice: Look back at your calendar for the last month and make a list of everyone you have spoken to or met at a networking or work function whom you haven’t reconnected with and would like to expand the conversation. Remember to include your client and colleague conversations that are meaningful additions to your networking plans. After each person’s name, identify whether there is more follow-up necessary, or if they shared something that would allow you to reach out and touch base with them again later in the month. Use this list as a checklist to re-engage in the conversations and keep your relationships progressing forward one step at a time.
Small-talk conversations are trust-building, relationship-strengthening opportunities that are out in the open and waiting for you. Clients want to know how closely you pay attention to them, their information and the details involved. Paying attention to small talk and using it appropriately sends the signal that you are both detail-oriented and genuinely care about others—and it makes clients want to both tell you more and hire you for more.
