The Power of Owning Your Mistakes

Years ago, a close friend and colleague was representing a community association. The association leadership made an error in judgment, and the consequences were evident to the entire neighborhood. Our friend was preparing the leadership team for the annual association members’ meeting. The leadership team was panicked. Their neighbors were angry. Images of pitchforks and torches danced in their heads. Confidently, our friend said, “we will just tell them the truth.” No excuses. His clients were skeptical.

Sure enough, as the meeting started, the neighbors were buzzing with grievances. Our friend stepped forward to start the meeting. Immediately, several neighbors leapt to their feet and began complaining about the error. Our friend said, “you’re right!” He continued, “we made a mistake, and we need to fix it.” His candor disarmed the crowd. Everyone stopped complaining and asked how they could help.

As was true for that leadership team, some of our mistakes can have significant consequences for others. When that occurs, it is natural for emotions to run high––and that is a problem. One side is angry, and the other side is trying to protect themselves. Without anyone realizing it, emotions take center stage rather than resolving the issue. At best, little progress is made addressing the issue, and at worst the conflict exacerbates the problem.

However, admitting one’s mistake usually allows everyone’s emotions to drain, and what is left are people focused on resolving the issue. People of goodwill respond favorably to another person’s humble, candid confession of a mistake. For our friend’s clients, there was still a price to pay for the error, but that cost was much less than if they had circled the wagons at that annual meeting. Instead, everyone’s focus turned to resolving the problem. Equally important, the leadership’s candor salvaged their relationships with their neighbors.

Lawyers are trained to avoid making unnecessary admissions. Don’t admit fault. Include every defense in a pleading. Leave your client an “out” when answering questions. We can become so accustomed to avoiding admissions that it becomes our default in every circumstance. Legal defenses aside, among your colleagues and friends, confessing your error and apologizing will have unexpected benefits, as was the case for our friend’s clients.

If you are unconvinced, then consider the following scenario. It’s early Friday morning, and your associate knocks on your door. He tells you that the brief that you assigned is not ready for your review. You had blocked the entire morning to review and finish the brief so that it can be filed on Monday because you have personal commitments the entire weekend, but you now realize that the associate and you will work on the brief over the weekend. There is no excuse for the draft brief not being ready. Your associate is not acknowledging the mistake or, worse, he is making excuses to downplay it. What is your frustration level on a 1-to-10 scale? Probably a 12.

However, your associate could say the following to you instead: “I need to tell you something, and you are going to be very frustrated with me. I took on more work than I had time to perform, so the brief is not ready. Worse yet, I didn’t come to your earlier and tell you about my dilemma. Both were wrong, and I apologize. I will do whatever it takes to make this right.” You won’t be any happier about the situation, but you will focus on solving the problem and not on venting at your associate. We bet you will be more inclined to give this associate a second chance on a future project.

Giving some grace here creates an environment in which others feel free to admit their mistakes. That is exactly what you, as a leader must know. Creating a comfortable space for your colleagues to candidly share their errors is essential.

What is true about these scenarios is equally true when you are the person that made the mistake, especially within your own firm. Admitting your mistakes ameliorates the emotional response and shifts the focus toward resolving the problem. Everyone benefits.