Setting aside that it is the right thing to do, what if we spoke to our colleagues with as much care as we speak to judges, juries and our own clients? They might, in turn, use the energy otherwise expended in response to our poorly chosen words for purposes that benefit the firm. Firms might then avoid unnecessary turnover and counterproductive behavior. Office discourse marked by encouragement, candor, restraint and affirmation has the power to steer a firm toward its goals.
Controlling the tongue is clearly an individual discipline. We all have room for improvement. Here are some suggestions. First, a dose of humility creates the right frame of mind. While it is difficult to forget the slights that we receive, it is easy to forget that there are others who have felt the effects of our own careless words. We are all offenders with our words from time to time, and that fact should give us pause. Second, self-examination reveals what needs to change. Consider some of your recent communications, particularly when you were disappointed in a colleague’s behavior. How do you handle these incidents? Why do you fall into those patterns? What do you need to do to avoid those patterns in the future? Third, vigilance ensures success. Old habits are hard to break, and new habits take time to ingrain.
Email is a special offender. Without the nuance of voice inflection or body language, misinterpretation is common. We recall an email sincerely meant as a compliment that included a sarcastic comparison. The sarcasm was not understood as a joke. Instead, the comparison torpedoed the encouraging and thankful meaning of the email. The recipients thought they were being criticized.
We are not Pollyannaish in our assessment of the impact this will have on your law firm. Conflict is a lawyer’s chosen profession, and kind words alone cannot build utopia at your firm. On the other hand, we have all been on both the giving and receiving end of comments that make matters worse. Even if all you achieve is to recognize more occasions when communication is creating problems and stop the damage, your firm will be better off.
Of course, we must all have difficult but necessary conversations, which is a topic we addressed in a prior column. There is a time to disagree, to disappoint and even to divide. Conflict avoidance is no virtue. The point is to bring the appropriate words to the moment.
No set of rules will create this culture. It is difficult enough to control our own tongues, much less attempt to control others. As firm leaders, we can start by setting the example with our own words. Persuasion, encouragement and aspiration are our other tools. We must use a soft touch, but our examples can be contagious.
Although we try to take the content of each of our columns to heart, some hit home more than others. Honest self-examination is never fun, frequently convicting, but always necessary for personal growth. We plan to embrace this process for ourselves and hope that it will lead us to build more and burn fewer bridges. We encourage you to do the same. Let us know how it goes.