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September 06, 2024

Let's Talk About Aging Parents: A Book Review

David Godfrey, JD
The PDF, which includes endnotes and footnotes, in which this article appears can be found in Bifocal, Vol. 45 Issue 6.

We fail as advocates when we lack understanding of the issues or struggle to open a meaningful dialog about the challenges of aging, and that is exactly what, Let’s Talk About Aging Parents, is all about. If you work with older clients, have aging family members, or are planning to get older yourself - so basically all of us, I urge you to read this book.

Organized in four sections and 27 easy to read chapters, Laura Tamblyn Watts explains the most common challenges faced by adults as they age and offers strategies for discussing the issues. The book delivers on its promise of being “A real-life guide to problem solving.”  Though aimed at family and friends, the explanations and suggestions for helping would be a huge help for lawyers and other advocates.  I wish when I started practicing elder law many years ago, this book would have been available.

The first section talks about age-friendly housing. Most adults wish to remain in their home. The text discusses the most common challenges to safety and accessibility of the typical home.  There are great suggestions on how to make a home more age friendly to empower adults to age in place. When that is not possible, the text reviews downsizing, assisted living and long-term care settings. Understanding the options is the first step. Based on her years of experience and research, the author offers great suggestions of how to discuss the issues and solutions and offers insight into understanding the emotional impact of the person faced with needing to make changes in how or where they live.

The second part of the book covers the basics of mental capacity, powers of attorney, health care decision making and safety.  The author is based in Canada, and I was worried about this part of the book, but I needn't have been. She explains the issue, and in very general terms the options and then explains that the available legal options, programs and services vary widely from place to place, and you always need to check with a local expert where the person is living or wants to live.  What works in one city may be very different from what works in the next city.

The third part of the book discusses loss, grief, love and marriage in later life.  These are issues that can tear families apart.  This section discusses the response or reaction of family and friends to issues such as divorce, romance, sex, and marriage for older adults. These are emotional issues, and Laura offers thoughtful suggestions on how to open channels of communication and empower while protecting.

The fourth part of the book talks about changes in health that commonly occur in later life. Each chapter explains in layman's terms the health care condition, options for treatment or care, and living with the condition. The text then offers suggestions on how to talk about the issues and provide support to the person.  Understanding these issues will make us better advocates for our clients, our loved ones and ourselves.

There are a lot of lawyers and advocates that know the law, the regulations, and the programs and services that are available in their area. What this book adds is suggestions on how to understand and discuss the issue and options. For me, the core of this book is about communications skills that are essential to advocacy and client counseling. This book, and “How to Say It to Seniors” by David Solie, are the two best books that I have read on communication and counseling skills for lawyers and advocates working with clients as they age.

Laura Tamblyn Watts is founder and CEO of CanAge, a law professor, and an advocate for aging and caregivers based in Toronto, Canada.  She is a dynamic speaker, advocate and author.  The book is published by The Experiment, LLC, in New York, NY, and is available in print and e-book from your local bookseller. 

David Godfrey, JD

Past Director of Commission on Law and Aging

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