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The Importance of Civility

Julie T Houth

Summary

  • While we work hard to achieve our professional and personal goals, let’s also strive to make our profession better by being more civil toward others in our communities.
  • You can’t control others’ actions, but you certainly can control your own actions. This is where self-awareness comes into play.
  • Remember to also cut yourself some slack. The practice of law and the implementation of being civil in the profession can be taxing.
The Importance of Civility
Parradee Kietsirikul via Getty Images

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It’s a new year. Time to implement new habits and seize new opportunities. Something that does not necessarily get outdated is the practice of civility toward others. Many professionals in finance, accounting, or tax have heard the phrase “the time value of money” and live by it through actual implementation. What exactly is it? Generally, the time value of money is the concept that a particular amount of money is worth more now than that same amount of money at a later date because of its earning potential in the interim. Earning potential usually refers to the act of investing. In other words, an investment delayed is an opportunity lost.

This concept can apply to the practice of law and our personal lives. Investing in yourself should be a priority. This can be tough while juggling all the demands in your life, but it’s something that is worth saying often. Squandering an opportunity and feeling regretful is something that can be prevented in most situations. Furthermore, the value of your (and everyone else’s) time is extremely precious, especially because it cannot be recreated. Time is something we cannot get back. This is why the practice of civility among our peers is so important. It ties in with the practice of self-reflection, essentially to check yourself, to take responsibility or hold yourself accountable for your actions. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again—you take your personal and professional reputation with you everywhere you go because they are both part of you like yin and yang. If we invest in ourselves and continuously strive to be better versions of ourselves, we likely can create a better community together.

What Is Civility?

Merriam-Webster defines civility as “a polite act or expression,” and synonyms listed include “courtesy,” “pleasantry,” and “politeness.” The American Bar Association defines civility as the capacity to act in a manner that engenders respect for the law and the profession. While most of us can define civility, we might find it harder to incorporate it into our lives. We all had our lives upended by the COVID-19 pandemic in some form or fashion. It has not been easy on anyone, including lawyers. But it is even more important now to be civil in our profession. Society rightly holds lawyers to a high standard. We are educated, sophisticated individuals, and civility is embedded in our jobs. It’s how we are able to advocate zealously for our clients while still respecting opposing counsel’s position for their clients. It’s how we are able to see common ground when seeking reasonable settlement terms. The legal community should set an example of the co-existence of individuals with different points of view.

Civility in Your Community

Start with you: Don’t be a bully. You can’t control others’ actions, but you certainly can control your own actions. This is where self-awareness comes into play. Most of us are pushed to our limits, and this can cause us to experience extreme stress, which can ultimately cause us to lash out at others if we don’t check ourselves before we speak or act. Every lawyer is different. Lawyers can be assertive but courteous. Unfortunately, lawyers can also be bullies. Having a strong personality or being results-driven is not the same as being a bully. Most people don’t like bullies in any environment. Merriam-Webster defines bullying as “abuse and mistreatment of someone vulnerable by someone stronger, more powerful.” The act of bullying occurs far too often in this profession and needs to be addressed more often. Civility should go both ways, should be reciprocated. While there might be bullies in the legal profession, you don’t have to be one. So, check in with yourself first to see where you stand emotionally when practicing civility because you can control how you interact and communicate with others in-person, through email, or in any form of communication. This act of self-awareness can really prevent or de-escalate a high-tension or emotional situation.

Start with you: Listen more. Along the same lines as being self-aware in our practice of civility, we should all listen more. For example, some lawyers have a diverse set of clients. Many lawyers are not in charge of choosing their clients and instead have clients assigned to them. As a result, they are tasked with representing a wide variety of individuals. This inevitably includes clients with different beliefs and views from their attorneys. What do you do when your clients have different beliefs than your own—including political views—especially when those views are an integral part of who they are? You listen. Be civil and professional. Your clients need you to listen to and advocate for them. This can be very challenging and can be uncomfortable, but being professional and civil is required in our profession, and this is just one example where civility is an essential skill.

Check in with others: Give others grace. Holiday season actually isn’t the best time of the year for a lot of people, even after holiday season is over. And, again, the constant challenges of the pandemic certainly don’t help the daily demands of lawyer life. Please remember that you don’t know what people are going through, just as they don’t know what you are going through. Genuinely check in with others. This could mean a simple gesture such as waving or saying, “Hello, hope you’re hanging in there.”

There will be trying times. Even in a scenario where you are sure you are right, give others grace. Practice patience. Although I am still considered a young lawyer, I feel like I’ve had my fair share of trying times, and I’ve learned that it often pays dividends when I give others the benefit of the doubt. Kindness can go a long way in our profession. You honestly never know whom you will need in the future and vice versa. We are all human (yes, even lawyers), and mistakes can happen.

Give yourself grace. Remember to also cut yourself some slack. The practice of law and the implementation of being civil in the profession can be taxing. Refer back to self-reflection practices and include “me time” to help avoid burnout.

Conclusion

Your reputation is everything as a lawyer. Being known as a successful lawyer is great—but not when it’s coupled with the reputation of also being a jerk. We all can make our profession a better place one step at a time by investing in ourselves and implementing the practice of civility. During this New Year, while we work hard to achieve our professional and personal goals, let’s also strive to make our profession better than last year by being more civil toward others in our communities.

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