Civility in Your Community
Start with you: Don’t be a bully. You can’t control others’ actions, but you certainly can control your own actions. This is where self-awareness comes into play. Most of us are pushed to our limits, and this can cause us to experience extreme stress, which can ultimately cause us to lash out at others if we don’t check ourselves before we speak or act. Every lawyer is different. Lawyers can be assertive but courteous. Unfortunately, lawyers can also be bullies. Having a strong personality or being results-driven is not the same as being a bully. Most people don’t like bullies in any environment. Merriam-Webster defines bullying as “abuse and mistreatment of someone vulnerable by someone stronger, more powerful.” The act of bullying occurs far too often in this profession and needs to be addressed more often. Civility should go both ways, should be reciprocated. While there might be bullies in the legal profession, you don’t have to be one. So, check in with yourself first to see where you stand emotionally when practicing civility because you can control how you interact and communicate with others in-person, through email, or in any form of communication. This act of self-awareness can really prevent or de-escalate a high-tension or emotional situation.
Start with you: Listen more. Along the same lines as being self-aware in our practice of civility, we should all listen more. For example, some lawyers have a diverse set of clients. Many lawyers are not in charge of choosing their clients and instead have clients assigned to them. As a result, they are tasked with representing a wide variety of individuals. This inevitably includes clients with different beliefs and views from their attorneys. What do you do when your clients have different beliefs than your own—including political views—especially when those views are an integral part of who they are? You listen. Be civil and professional. Your clients need you to listen to and advocate for them. This can be very challenging and can be uncomfortable, but being professional and civil is required in our profession, and this is just one example where civility is an essential skill.
Check in with others: Give others grace. Holiday season actually isn’t the best time of the year for a lot of people, even after holiday season is over. And, again, the constant challenges of the pandemic certainly don’t help the daily demands of lawyer life. Please remember that you don’t know what people are going through, just as they don’t know what you are going through. Genuinely check in with others. This could mean a simple gesture such as waving or saying, “Hello, hope you’re hanging in there.”
There will be trying times. Even in a scenario where you are sure you are right, give others grace. Practice patience. Although I am still considered a young lawyer, I feel like I’ve had my fair share of trying times, and I’ve learned that it often pays dividends when I give others the benefit of the doubt. Kindness can go a long way in our profession. You honestly never know whom you will need in the future and vice versa. We are all human (yes, even lawyers), and mistakes can happen.
Give yourself grace. Remember to also cut yourself some slack. The practice of law and the implementation of being civil in the profession can be taxing. Refer back to self-reflection practices and include “me time” to help avoid burnout.
Conclusion
Your reputation is everything as a lawyer. Being known as a successful lawyer is great—but not when it’s coupled with the reputation of also being a jerk. We all can make our profession a better place one step at a time by investing in ourselves and implementing the practice of civility. During this New Year, while we work hard to achieve our professional and personal goals, let’s also strive to make our profession better than last year by being more civil toward others in our communities.