The Importance of Listening and Learning
Prior to attending law school, I recall speaking with an attorney about my ambitions, and his response was that law school would eat me up and spit me out because I am so quiet. I recall laughing to myself because, even then, I knew it was more important to listen than to speak all the time. I believe it is this mindset that has assisted me in being successful in my endeavors. I knew then and am constantly reminded that in order for me to be most effective, I have to be an excellent listener, which naturally lends itself to showing empathy. By listening, I’ve learned that everyone is different. Different people need different levels of support, advice, and motivation. Empathy allows for the correct type of understanding to evaluate what my mentees’ needs really are. Listening and showing empathy have allowed me to fully understand my mentees’ positions on issues before I offer them advice. It is always a good practice to learn the mentee’s personality and circumstances so you can build rapport. This trusted relationship will allow your mentee to feel comfortable about approaching you with any problem.
To gain that trust, you must give honest feedback, even when that feedback is perceived to be negative. Over the years, I have learned that I should not be afraid to tell my mentees the things they need to hear rather than what they want to hear. The most productive method of doing this is to speak without judgment and provide clear instructions on how they can learn from their mistakes and do better next time. I’ve found that constructive criticism is essential for their growth and professional development.
In my opinion, the best mentors never stop learning, and this is why it is important to attend conferences and workshops to keep you up-to-date on changes or new procedures in your field. When you return from any training, block out at least 30 minutes of your time during the workday to have one-on-one mentor sessions with your mentee to pass on your new knowledge. If you are in the same office, it may also be a good idea to pick up an additional copy of any training literature that the mentee could use as his or her personal copy.
Don’t Be Afraid to Become a Mentor
Over the years, it has become apparent to me that some people in leadership positions have self-doubt about becoming a mentor. They think they would not be effective in this role because of that inner voice telling them they are not worthy of passing on their knowledge, skills, and abilities. The thing most people don’t understand is that you don’t need to be at the top of your career to mentor someone. What has worked for me is to bring to the table my relevant experience that’s applicable to the mentee—rather than my entire ten-plus years of experience. It has allowed me to empathize with an issue my mentee may have struggled with, and it has helped me understand that I do not need to know all the answers as a mentor. Sometimes, the mentee just needs a sounding board and a listening ear. There are other times when the mentee just needs to be reminded that he or she is not the first one to experience this issue and will not be the last, and, more importantly, it is never the end of the world. At still other times, it is more about the questions I ask the mentee than the answer I give regarding a difficult decision he or she has to make. By simply asking questions, I am able to help my mentees self-evaluate and think about what they need to do, which can lead to a better outcome.
Helping mentees succeed and seeing the positive impact I have had on their life or career have been wonderfully fulfilling. Most rewarding of all is knowing that I have served as an inspiration for my mentees to pay it forward themselves and do the same for someone else.
Anytime I have the opportunity to serve as a mentor, I accept with open arms. I do not claim to know everything or even to have the best answers, but I do have a giving spirit and will help others as much as I can. I appreciate those who have helped me along the way, and the least I can do is pass along the gift.
Ten Tips for Being an Effective Mentor
- Be a good listener.
- Schedule a weekly, biweekly, or monthly meeting with your mentee.
- Invite your mentee to networking events.
- Share resources about continuing legal education classes.
- Share material/resources that have helped you.
- Provide constructive criticism.
- Be willing to answer questions.
- Be patient.
- Be objective.
- Remember what it felt like to be a new lawyer.