In his classic 1936 self-help book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie advised his readers to be genuinely interested in other people. Nearly 100 years after its publication, the essence of relationship building has not changed. Showing genuine interest in others remains one of the most effective ways to make a lasting impression—and, as a lawyer, to generate referrals and grow your business. But showing interest is only half of the equation when it comes to effective networking. You also need to be interesting.
Be Interested
In the age of the Internet, there is no excuse for showing up to a networking meeting or coffee date unprepared. Tools such as social media, professional bios on company websites, and simple Google searches let you uncover a wealth of information about someone’s career history, interests, and personal background before you meet with them.
For example, if you’re meeting a potential client and a quick Google search would show that she is very involved in a particular nonprofit cause or that she is a frequent speaker at industry events, you want to know this and potentially bring it up when meeting with her to demonstrate that you’ve done your homework and value her expertise.
Research is only the first step. Even if you know very little about someone—perhaps you’re meeting them for the first time at a networking function—you can still make a strong impression by asking thoughtful, open-ended questions. After you find out what they do, questions such as, “What are you working on these days?” or “What’s new in [their industry]?” can get the conversation flowing.
Showing genuine curiosity about their life and work creates an immediate sense of connection. Extend the conversation beyond business by finding out where they are from, what they enjoy doing in their free time, or even their favorite books or movies—provided it feels natural and appropriate. See if you can establish any common ground, either professional or personal. Perhaps you work with the same industries.
People naturally trust and gravitate toward people who are “like” them. (I am putting the word “like” in quotations because it is also important to engage with people who do not share your ethnic, religious, or socioeconomic background. But there are often other ways to establish common ground with people who seem different on the surface.)
Be Interesting
Being interesting requires a bit of preparation. When someone asks you, “What’s new?” avoid defaulting to mundane answers like “Not much” or “Just staying busy.” Instead, think about what you want others to know about you and come ready with a couple of conversation starters.
I recommend preparing at least one personal and one professional topic to share before attending a networking event or prior to meeting someone for coffee.
For instance, right now, I often talk about how I am publishing my first book with the ABA in March: Think Like a Lawyer, Act Like an Entrepreneur. Professionally, it’s an exciting milestone for me that sparks questions and discussions about the book’s themes.
On a personal note, I’ve been sharing that my middle son is graduating from law school this spring and recently landed a prestigious fellowship. Both updates have been great conversation starters that naturally lead to deeper connections. Depending on who I am speaking with, I might also mention the rock choir I joined or the fact that I’m playing a lot of squash.
This dual approach ensures you’re contributing meaningfully to the conversation. By thinking through your answers to common questions like “What’s new?” you’re more likely to steer the discussion toward topics that build rapport and mutual understanding.
For example, I once attended a networking lunch where one attendee shared her recent experiences hiking in the Rockies while another talked about an innovative project her team was working on. Both stories were engaging and memorable—perfect illustrations of how to help encourage conversation.
