Defining Moments: Insights into the Lawyer’s Soul: Change, Time, and Human Connection Are the Constants amid Uncertainty

Summer in Houston means we are in the middle of the hurricane season. We have already had two storms, one six weeks ago, after which my home power was out for a week, and the most recent one where my office lost power for two weeks. For those of us in the nation’s fourth-largest city and third-largest county, things have been turned upside down. Uncertainty is a constant. There are many new things you must deal with—like the tree that just crashed through your house. A roofer found a hole in my roof, and he tarped it just before another terrible storm blew through. I dodged a bullet there. When you find yourself without Internet, you realize how many things in your life are connected to that source. An already busy life and schedule are suddenly even more chaotic.

The Arc of Life

In other places around the country, people are dealing with airline outages and cannot get where they are going or are facing wildfires or any number of other catastrophes. But what about just the basic uncertainties of life? As the arc of my life grows, I have begun thinking about how I felt in the past versus how I feel now.

When you are young, you have so much uncertainty about the future. You do not know what is coming next. You do not know that you will achieve your dreams. When a storm arises, you do not know whether you will weather it. Once you are older and you have a few accolades under your belt, you know that you can weather the storms because you have done so in the past. But new uncertainties arise.

In April, I spoke about mindfulness to the Texas Women Lawyers at their annual conference. It was a wonderful group, and I was honored to be chosen to close out the day with my How the Practice of Gratitude Bolsters Your Duty of Competency interactive ethics program. I entered the room and ran into an old friend, former District Court Judge Ruby Sondock. Judge Sondock was a district judge when I was just a baby lawyer back in the early 1980s. I remember I used to go sit in her courtroom and watch. When she finished, I would approach the bench and chat with her, hanging on every word. Sometimes, she would take me into chambers. Women did not populate the courtrooms like they do now, and there were literally no mentors for me at that time. She became my mentor, whether she knew it or not. And through the years, when I would do something that appeared in the Texas Bar Journal or the Houston Lawyer, she would write me a little note, clip out the reference, and send it to me. Those notes meant so much to me. And I felt seen and heard by a legal giant. Such a small gesture meant so much.

When I saw her in April, I was overjoyed. I had not seen her in many years. There she was—dressed to the nines, hair and makeup perfect, a bright smile on her face. She said, “Oh, Melanie, I am so sorry I can’t be here at 3:30 for your talk. My daughter is picking me up at 3:00. I have to get ready for my 98th birthday party tonight!” I nearly fell over! Ninety-eight? Wow. At 98, she is still getting dressed up, attending a women’s CLE, and concerned about missing my program? To quote the famous line in When Harry Met Sally…, “I want what she is having!” That comment made me feel so appreciated, and it also gave me so much hope for the future because I must admit, sometimes when you get older, you wonder about whether you are still viable, whether you still have what it takes to continue contributing. Seeing her made me say to myself, “Yes, God willing, stay in the game and keep serving to the best of your ability.” What a role model she is for all of us.

The group had a big birthday cake for her, and she was surrounded by other ladies eager to talk. When I mentioned her notes, I heard several others mention getting a note from Ruby. She is an acclaimed jurist and an exceptional member of our profession, but she still had time to write sweet notes of encouragement to others. She may not even know how much the little things she has done all these years mean to so many of us.

As I began to ponder this subject of age and uncertainty, I thought back to the times when I had to pump myself up to seem qualified to do the level of work I was doing at the time. I always threw in a mention of my briefing attorney job for the 14th Court of Appeals and my extensive courtroom work. These days, I find I’m dummying myself down so I don’t seem too old for the job. I began to ponder on this arc we go through in life—we are so young and uncertain and not sure where we will land, and then all of a sudden, in the blink of an eye, we find ourselves at the tail end of our career and wondering if we can remain relevant. Was there ever a sweet spot where I was “there,” or was I always striving, feeling like I was on one end of the spectrum or the other?

Three Constants

Just going through this thought exercise has been fun because it has made me think about the younger me. Looking back, I see now I really didn’t have to worry as much as I did. Being older does bring you a sense of satisfaction in the knowledge that you can achieve anything you want to do. There are great advantages and disadvantages of all the states of our lives. I finally landed on the thought that just enjoying every part of the journey is the key. Appreciating all aspects of each stage of life is a mindset you can cultivate. Life is uncertain.

But amid the uncertainties of all ages, there are three main things that remain constant that we can count on.

The First Is Change

Life is ever-evolving, and change is a constant force that shapes our experiences and growth. Whether positive or negative, change is inevitable and continuous. The quicker we adapt to change and don’t resist it, the faster we are able to maintain our balance in this world. I am reminded of one time when a friend told me that the way I was complaining about something that had happened to me was like standing knee-deep in the ocean water and trying to hold the waves back. That is a futile process. Make sure you are not resisting the waves in your life. It’s best to let them wash over you.

The Second Is Time

Time marches forward, regardless of our circumstances. It’s a constant that governs the flow of life, providing structure and a framework within which we live our lives. The past and the future are both illusions. All we really have is the now. The more we live in and enjoy the present moment, the more energy we will gain to achieve our intentions for the day.

The Third Is Human Connection

Relationships, love, and the bonds we form with others are enduring elements that provide support, meaning, and a sense of belonging throughout the various stages of life. As Wil Schooley said in his chapter in my ABA book Defining Moments: Insights into the Lawyer’s Soul, we must prioritize human connection: “What I teach my law students is how to be themselves. Because what you have lost in being so wrapped up in the law is yourself. You’ve lost your heart; you’ve lost your ability to communicate to other human beings in a human way.”

As we weather our own uncertainties in life, it is good to remember that we are all the same in so many ways. We have much more in common than we acknowledge, and as we cycle through the stages of life, we will have different feelings and emotions to cope with. Uncertainty will grip us all at some time in life. Hopefully, we will face it with a sense of peace and understanding that we are all in this together.

Please contact me with your questions or comments at [email protected].