When adults who don’t live in the same household share involvement with a child, some form of document detailing the major terms makes life easier for everyone. Depending on the state, that written document may be called a child custody agreement or a parenting plan or be known by some other term. When the adults can’t agree on the terms, a judge may have to step in to define the terms. In any event, the final product will be what is commonly referred to as a parenting plan.
Presumably the goal of the parenting plan is not solely to address the expectations of the adults. Rather the ostensible goal is to devise a plan that promotes the best interests of the child who will be the subject of the plan. To make that goal a reality, this issue approaches parenting plans with the idea that the adults who are making the decisions will serve the children better if they take a step back from their own views and wishes and look at the issues from a more child-centered perspective.
This issue has been prepared with the idea that the parents, stepparents, grandparents, and others with close involvement in a child’s life will be the intended audience. The hope is that lawyers will provide copies of this issue to clients involved in matters that involve the development or application of a parenting plan.
In “Grandparents, Parenting Plans, and Grandparenting Agreements: The Ongoing Dilemma,” Joan H. McWilliams asks, “Why would you consider including your children’s grandparents as part of your divorce discussion?” when they are not parties to your divorce and they are not generally included in negotiations regarding your parenting plan. She goes on to explain that even though parenting plans historically have rarely included provisions about grandparents, today’s parents may want to consider including provisions for grandparents due to their increasing role in caregiving in our society and due to the more complex family dynamics with step-grandparents, surrogate grandparents, adopted grandparents, and other caregivers. But she cautions that doing so may lead to what she calls “the grandparent dilemma” in addressing what limits are expected on the authority of your child’s grandparent.
In “Parenting in Blended Families” Stacy D. Heard provides tips for navigating the unique challenges of co-parenting in blended families, including strategies for effective communication and conflict resolution. She discusses how effective communication between co-parents is essential to harmony in blended families and how conflict in blended families may arise because of the competing interests of each child and parent. She explains how the ages of children in blended families may impact how co-parents address specific issues presented in individual family systems.
In “Considerations When One Co-Parent Wishes to Relocate,” Todd M. Begg outlines the many factors that parents should—and courts will—take into account when contemplating a move when children are involved in a divorce or separation. Beyond doing your homework about the location you wish to move to, including the schools, cost of living, and proximity to your co-parent, the parent wishing to relocate must make the case that the move is in the best interest of the child and is not just the personal whim of the parent.
Rebecca Stahl reminds parents about the importance of “Keeping in Mind the Child’s Perspective in Your Parenting Plan.” She notes this does not mean giving them the final say or forcing them to make the hard decisions, but rather knowing how to listen to their concerns and desires and remembering, even when things are difficult with your co-parent, that you both love your child and want what’s best for them. What’s best for them, what children want, and how they express their desires changes depending on their age, so Stahl encourages parents to build in flexibility as children get older to allow them more choice in your shared parenting time.
Dr. Arnold T. Shienvold gives parents and their attorneys advice for “Creating and Maintaining a Healthy Shared Parenting Arrangement.” He offers tips for maximizing the opportunities for a successful shared parenting schedule regardless of the means by which such an agreement was reached. Despite the focus being on the children, he explains that a successful shared parenting arrangement actually starts with taking care of yourself and being the best you can be individually and as a co-parent. Learning to avoid using “parent alienating behaviors” and, instead, using behaviors that support and encourage the children’s relationship with the other parent is essential to healthy adjustment and successful co-parenting.
“When Your Child Has an Independent Representative” by Ann M. Haralambie describes the various roles of children’s representatives in a family law matter. She provides guidance on what parents should expect and how parents should and should not interact with the child’s representative. The names and roles of children’s representatives vary among the states, so it is important to understand what role your child’s representative is fulfilling.
Brendan J. Hammer’s “Legal Decision-Making: A Primer for Parents” unpacks the legal principles and practical considerations of an award of legal decision-making rights for parents involved in custody litigation. He provides tips for building a successful custody case, from gathering information, documents, and data and knowing how to creatively frame those facts to creating a team that involves subject-matter experts who often can be essential to prevailing on contested custody issues, to knowing what drives custody decisions in the real world of a courtroom, which he believes to be no less important than knowing the law.
