BIPs operate within a framework of regulations that guide their length (normally 24 to 52 weeks), format, and curricula. While these guidelines vary from state to state, the core remains consistent: BIPs are educational programs that work in a group setting with individuals who have acknowledged or been convicted of intimate partner abuse. Referrals come not only from criminal courts, but also from civil courts (family courts and restraining orders), Child Protective Services, and, perhaps surprisingly, even from victim-partners or the abusers themselves. Self-referrals are not at all uncommon. BIPs work with abusers for victims.
Our BIP, IMPACT+, uses a variation of the Power and Control Wheel to help our participants understand domestic violence in general, that it may never be physical or criminal, and how most instances are progressive. We talk about the impact on survivors throughout, while helping them discover the core beliefs that led them to believe they were entitled to abuse. They are provided support through the process and away from victim-blaming. A good BIP focuses on accountability and never revictimizing the victim. There are four parts to our curriculum, a customized version of the H.E.A.L. model. The group and mentors (senior participants) guide each other through each part, giving permission to move forward. It is the group process and the strong, healthy relationships that these men build that are responsible for the success of its members.
The Complex Nature of Intimate Partner Violence
As captured elsewhere in this issue, intimate partner abuse is not always glaringly obvious. It is a pattern of controlling, coercive, and assaultive behaviors toward a current or ex-partner, rather than a single criminal act. Often, it eludes the courts’ gaze and remains hidden from the victim’s eyes and from the abuser’s self-awareness. The large majority of our clients do not believe themselves to be abusers. As with many abusers, they often believe that abuse is only about hitting or “beating.” For instance, a recent participant told me he head-butted the victim, because hitting with hands is wrong. Another beat the victim with a belt, because hitting is wrong. The lesson most take from childhood, “Never put your hands on a woman,” is insufficient.
Referrals to BIPs
Many of those referred to a BIP have suffered consequences of being accused or convicted of domestic abuse and, as a result, believe themselves to be the victim of the partner or of the system. A good intake process can help uncover history and patterns that the courts may not see, as well as lethality risks and the need for referrals to other supportive resources in addition to a client’s suitability for the BIP program. Because domestic violence doesn’t have a clinical cause, there is no test for determining if someone has been abusive; that is determined by the referrer. If a person shows no signs of having abused after weeks in the program, they can opt out if self-referred or not court involved. Though most claim innocence when enrolling, they usually discover patterns in their behavior that hurt their partners and children. BIPs are not punitive. We want our clients to be successful.
The Impact of BIPs on the Participant
When a participant steps into a BIP, they embark on a journey of self-reflection. These programs challenge their beliefs, confront their actions, and peel back the layers of denial. It is uncomfortable, raw, and necessary. The abuser grapples with accountability, not just to society but to their own conscience.
We walk them back through their thinking and actions, and their past experiences and circumstances, including child abuse. We discuss how anger, mental illness, substance abuse, and infidelity or marital problems are not the cause of the abuse but can make it worse. After uncovering the toxic patterns and raising self-awareness, the BIP provides tools—cognitive, emotional, and behavioral—to dismantle those patterns and less harmful ones. We see remarkable growth; often unexpected. One client with a criminal history started with anger and denial and was disruptive. After starting over in another group, he completed the program by developing his own, very insightful process diagram that we have incorporated into our curriculum and named after him: the Santell Model. With the guidance of more senior participants, the abusers learn empathy, communication, and emotional regulation. They confront their demons, change their core beliefs, and emerge as individuals capable of change. It is a rocky path, but it is a path toward redemption.
How and When to Refer to a BIP
It’s important to note that while BIPs are the best option for abusers, not all programs are equal. If your state has regulations, they will list approved providers in your area. Ask your local shelter/victim program who they recommend. Our referrals are via our website, but others may operate differently. It is helpful to provide any orders, judgments, agreements, reports and restraining orders to the BIP, along with a point of contact for communication. Most programs will provide reports to the courts; some may even provide direct testimony. Most BIPs have to charge fees; these programs are often not publicly funded and may also not be able to bill health insurance.
Should you send possible abusers to a BIP even if they haven’t physically abused, haven’t been court-ordered, or believe themselves to be the victim? Yes. A good intake will help them identify areas they can work on to be safer partners, even if they do not acknowledge criminal abuse.
It is important for family court attorneys and judges to educate themselves about the dynamics of IPA. A good resource for family court attorneys and judges is the Post Separation Abuse Wheel, which shows the ways in which abuse appears or escalates after a separation. Your local BIP may also offer training for you and your staff.
I once had a client who was self-referred, that is, his wife kicked him out and told him to get help after he drunkenly fired a weapon during a suicide threat, frightening his whole family. As happens more often than the public realizes, the police were not called. This client took full responsibility for his actions and was displaying great insight as he participated in the BIP sessions. He knew that the alcohol did not cause his abuse but that it made him more dangerous. Although he said he reduced his alcohol intake, he did not seek treatment for his addiction. Nine months into our program, his wife told him she was seeking a divorce. He was hurt but understood and took full responsibility. But he then hired an attorney who encouraged him to seek custody and to respond aggressively and proactively to the divorce action. I strongly encouraged him to act with accountability and generosity, but he did not. One day he abused again by going to “his” house and terrifying the children. Participants who reoffend may be suspended or removed from the BIP; I suspended him from the program until the divorce was finalized. He promised to return. I later discovered that he had taken his life shortly after leaving the BIP. This story may not have had such a tragic ending if he had been supported in his initial intentions to move forward with consideration for the safety of his family.
Effectiveness of BIPs
Most would agree that “effectiveness” means the cessation of abuse. This outcome is measured through various lenses: no further complaints or arrests, abusers’ self-reports during and after the program, and victims’ reports to program officials. Many BIP participants report that they become kinder, more considerate, and safer partners and parents. They report increased satisfaction in all of their relationships. Some delay their exit from the program, having found a group of peers that support positive change.
Note that there are many other outcomes, such as reducing or avoiding the cost of medical care for the victims of IPV. BIPs address the root cause of intimate partner abuse, potentially saving billions in healthcare costs and missed work. However, the most important outcome of a BIP is lives saved. BIPs reduce the risk of harm and even death for victims and victim-children.
