Coined by the motivational speaker Rickey Thompson, the trending term “booked and busy” describes millennials and other generations as they handle multiple roles, often going from one activity to the next. As a 2L at American University Washington College of Law, once I caught wind of the term, I knew it fit my lifestyle. I was taking a 15-hour credit load, interning a few hours a week at the Office of the Public Defender for Arlington County and the City of Falls Church, serving as a Teaching Fellow for the Marshall-Brennan Constitutional Literacy Project, and serving as the president of the Black Law Students Association at the Washington College of Law.
“Booked and busy” kept me running day-to-day between classes, meetings, and tasks that I appreciated because it allowed me to serve others and have a life beyond classes. Oftentimes, I would find myself tired from the daily hustles and would have to take time to pour back into me through self-care activities. But some days, I would find myself sacrificing my needs to pour energy into others. I found myself struggling with imposter syndrome and negative self-talk that would include thoughts like, “Am I doing enough? Did I approach that situation properly? Should I be more involved in this project despite it not being my responsibility?”
Reflecting back, I realize that I would say “yes” at times, not because I wanted to but because I felt like I had to and needed to feel satisfied with who I was as a student, as a leader, as an intern. I internally wanted to satisfy others. In the words of my professor Judge Tanya Jones Bosier, people pleasing others “for their benefit was [becoming] my detriment.” I knew this was occurring, but I did not actively start the beginning stages to combat it until a couple of things happened. First, I attended weeks of therapy that I forced myself to go to because I knew it would be good for my well-being given the challenges of being a student and in leadership but just human and a Black woman in her 20 somethings. Second, I attended the ABA Women in Criminal Justice Task Force Law Student Listening Session at Howard University School of Law.
Before entering law school, I was convinced I wanted to work in public defense to help marginalized communities that ranged from Black and Brown people to the poor to individuals with physical and mental disabilities. My “why” was the foundation of my personal statements to law schools, and the thing that encouraged me as I thought of the immense amount of debt that I would have to take on to serve in this sector of the legal profession. I worked to keep an open mind, attending various law firm open houses, but did not feel any passion as I moved around the room, listening to conversations about mergers and acquisitions and other matters that seemed so mundane. When moments would arise that criminal law would be brought up, my ears would perk up and my heart would get excited to talk about something I was passionate about.
Becoming involved in the ABA Criminal Justice Section as a 1L during the annual Criminal Justice Institute in the fall of 2018 solidified that this was the sector of law I wanted to practice in. Having the opportunity to meet practitioners in the field that included the woman trailblazer the Honorable Bernice Donald was an inspiring experience. I made various connections through the Criminal Justice Institute, so when my then-professor, Professor Angela Davis, for the unprecedented Criminal Justice Ethics course at American University Washington College of Law, shared the opportunity to attend the ABA Women in Criminal Justice Task Force Listening Session, I thought I had to attend to hear perspectives about being a woman in the criminal legal sector and share my perspectives about my experiences in law school as a student and interest in criminal law.
Knowing I wanted to enter criminal law did not negate the fact that I would face challenges as a woman practicing in criminal defense. Adding the extra identity I have as a Black person in America, there were various concerns that I had prior to law school, such as student loan debt and family/community expectations about income when I would be entering the public service sector. Before law school, I went to Alcorn State University, a land-grant historically Black college and university. Making the transition to American was an experience in itself that caused me to experience anxiety and imposter syndrome that was new, stressful, and intense. Throughout law school, my concerns intensified as I had internship opportunities in offices where there were no Black women attorneys. I needed to have a safe and brave space where I could discuss gender-related, race-related, and stress-related concerns about entering this profession, so I could determine ways to combat feelings of inadequacy, microaggressions, and stress and anxiety. The visionary I am, I also was beginning to think of what being in this sector would be like when I decide I want to get married and have a family while also pursuing my other passions while practicing law.
Attending the listening session, I met and listened to women who may have faced similar issues that I had and learned how they handled them. Learning that the workplace is improving for women when it comes to being a mother and a lawyer was encouraging. But hearing the stories of how women are still viewed differently when it comes to being a caretaker who has to care for a newborn in those first few months and being the one sometimes who has to do the errands for the children and the household reminded me that we still have a long way to go. To have to choose whether to be a mother or a professional is lessening, but the traditional ways of thinking still persist. If it were not for women, where would the world be?
Now, as I transition into the legal world from law student to practitioner to be, I am visualizing where my career trajectory will go. Although I am interested in criminal defense, Judge Rachel Pickering shared valuable information with my table as someone who did defense work and prosecution. She encouraged us to consider prosecution because people who want to change the system need to be in various positions to make it happen. Bringing that advice to where we are today, the system can only change when the people want to change their mindsets, their values, and ideologies that are rooted in systemic racism and classism. The true change occurs when we speak out against injustice rather than standing still. Although I may not be interested in prosecution, Judge Pickering is correct that we need diversity in all of these spaces. That diversity need not be superficial but immersive, not exclusive but inclusive, and not a moment but a movement.
Women are meant to exist in every space. Our ideas, our words, and our actions have value. Until that is crystal clear, we will continue to break ceilings and be firsts.
